it only works if you talk back.

David Bazan’s break-up record with God has struck a chord with me (no pun intended) these last few weeks. It’s not that I find myself doubting everything about my faith, not that I want to abandon it, but I do find myself questioning a lot of things and I’m not sure how all these pieces can be reconciled.

I suppose this revolves mostly around the subject of Genesis 1-11. This semester I find myself in 2 classes which propose contrasting views of Gen 1-11, and as I find myself embracing less and less of a historical concordism with the content I wonder how that can still fit with the core tenets of the faith. Looking at Old Testament theology, and looking at the importance of the theological matter in Gen 1-11 is linked (not blatantly, but it is implied) with historical truth.

I’m not sure how I can deal with that, I’m not sure where I stand with that. I don’t know if I can affirm Genesis 1-11 as historical, literal reality. And I worry because of all the loudmouths that would say my salvation is dependent upon my belief and affirmation of a literal rendering of Gen 1-11. It’s hard to ignore those loudmouths sometimes, and it’s harder still to ignore those who aren’t so obnoxious.

Then there’s the other side of the fence… David Bazan’s honest struggle with the story of a magical fruit which explains why the living die. This ultimately leading to his current “rejection” of the faith and ultimately his “agnosticism”. This seems to be a clear rejection of a literal reading of Genesis 3, and one which an evolutionary creationist would certainly empathize with and understand. But it seems that no one gave Bazan the option to reject a literal historical interpretation while affirming the theological truth within it…

And I wonder whether or not that option should even be available. It would certainly seem easier to fully embrace young earth creationism, or to affirm some sort of deistic evolution (I don’t think I could ever bring myself to the point of seeing the world as dysteleological) but to stand between the two and affirm the theological truth within Genesis 1-11, but to reject a literal historical reading is somewhat contentious.

There are days when this doesn’t seem to be as much of an issue… but then Thursday comes… and Friday isn’t much better…

Ultimately, I have no idea what I’m saying. I have no idea what I believe. It’s hard to be a decent human being… never mind trying to fit the Christian faith in there…

Holy holy holy
What does that mean anyways?
Practice practice practice
Repetition repetition repetition

Set apart
Wholly other
Above all things
Definitions fail to satisfy my question

How do we practice holiness?
Seems like it lies in lonelyness
Depending on your point of view

It’s nice to sing together
It’s lovely to gather with each other
We’re set apart
A holy nation

What the hell does that mean anyways?
What’s the point of it?
Seems to me like a big emotional cover
To distract us from reality
Not to sound too cynical…

Don’t get me wrong
I love to sing
Therein lies my dillemma
How to find honesty?

I’m far from perfect, in many ways
Far too cynical to begin
Morally corrupt above all
But I have issues with singing?

Doesn’t seem to make sense
I shouldn’t be allowed to think these thoughts
I shouldn’t be allowed to criticize
This dog and pony show

Instead of a show
Let there be a stream of justice
An endless procession of righteous living
Instead of a show

Don’t get me wrong
The show is nice
He show gets me tingly
The show feels good
But somehow I feel better sitting quietly

I wonder if this is how they did it back in the day?
Was Israel set apart because of their worship services?
Were they set apart by a song and a dance?
Or was it their theology in practice

Don’t get me wrong
I’m a cynical sinner
I have no right to criticize
And that’s exactly why I feel the need
(to criticize myself)

Where is my endless procession of righteous living?
And what does that even mean?
How do I define that tangibly?

I try
I try
I try

I’m figuring that out for myself
And I try
Sometimes I sit down and shut up during a worship service
And I think that’s ok
And I try.

If there’s a time in the year where change just seems easiest, or perhaps simply most appropriate, it’s September.

Now to be fair, I’ve been making changes over the last few weeks, even a month, but it still falls (no pun intended) in that same general time-frame.

It feels good to change, and these changes have been a long time coming.

#1. As previously stated in my last “change” post, I have taken up the use of public transportation. Just to update everyone: I love it. It’s been wonderful, and while I’m sure the -30 weather will suck to wait for the bus in, at least I won’t have to drive those shitty roads.

#2. I have decided to become a vegetarian. This has been something I’ve wanted to do for about a year now, and I finally decided there’s no time like the present.

#3. This kinda goes with the second, I have decided to be more conscious of buying local and organic. Granted, it’s not always possible or easy and I sometimes cop out, but the whole point is to avoid that which might be “easier” for that which is better not only for my body, but also for my local economy.

#4. I’ve started a new job. I have cast off the sacred green apron from Starbucks, no longer will I make your latte. I’m the new Student Life Assistant at Vanguard. This means I’ll be making posters for Student Life junk, working with the dean of students, and making sure that Community Life Groups aren’t a total gong show.

#5. I’m finally starting to do something about my desire to build relationships with the LGBT community in Edmonton. My friend Brook and I are starting a small group which will explore how we can begin to build bridges between the Church and the LGBT community, and elevating that conversation to a place of openness and understanding.

#6. I’m a double student this semester. Meaning, I’m “full-time” at Vanguard and “part-time” at the U of A. In reality I’m just in Open Studies at the U of A for one course: Science and Religion. This is a class I’ve been excited to take for quite a while, and it’s worth the extra cost to take it. It also feels kinda cool to have a ONEcard, I feel pretty legit.

I think that’s about it for changes, I hope I’m not doing too many things at once… that would suck if I bailed on half of these things :)